


We Don't Mix

by StarfireXL



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: ALL OF IT, Cuz Luviana owns my soul, F/F, Is that what it is?, M/M, Medieval AU, Mindless Fluff, Mira needs no man, OT3, Proposals, Running Away Together, Sunsets and Heartbreak, Well Rogue is a prince so...?, every chapter is a separate one-shot, ftlgbtpride2019, gotta have that happy ending, just lots of feels cuz I'm an emotional teen, ok there's angst too but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-05-15 14:59:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19298092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarfireXL/pseuds/StarfireXL
Summary: Fire and IceLight and ShadowSun and MoonAngels and DemonsThey're not supposed to mix......but sometimes they do anyway





	1. Reach for the Sun

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I kinda fell head over heels for Luvia??? And I regret absolutely nothing??? And I had so many emotions about these two that I just had to write something soft and bittersweet (with a happy ending of course!) and I had a lot of fun too! I put a whole lot of love into this so I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Juvia had feelings for him, you know?”
> 
> And just like that the moment was shattered. That dark feeling coiling in Lucy’s gut awoke from its slumber as she stiffened against Juvia’s side. 
> 
> Juvia cast a confused glance in Lucy’s direction before continuing. “Juvia cared for Gray… b-because he showed Juvia what it felt like to be warm, and safe, to have friends, to be loved…”

**It's hard to love with a heart that's hurting...** _  
_

 

_ She’s so beautiful _ .

 

Lucy sighed, a sick, twisted feeling settling in her stomach as she stared at Juvia.

 

In that moment, all she wanted was for the water mage to glance over her shoulder, for blue eyes to meet brown, for that bittersweet smile to disappear off of Juvia’s face and be replaced with a dazzling grin.

 

Wanted to feel those pale fingers twining through her blonde hair. Wanted to bite down on those shell pink lips. Wanted to make Juvia gasp against her mouth as she ran her fingers down to the water mage’s hips. 

 

All she wanted was Juvia.

 

But as she continued to watch her, Lucy could feel the possibility of that wish slipping through her fingers like grains of sand.

 

There was yearning in Juvia’s eyes. Want. Love. Fondness. All traced with a sharp glint of pain as she looked at Gray.

 

Gray, who was laughing as he held Natsu's hand. Gray, who was blushing as Natsu leaned in for a kiss. Gray, who lit up in Natsu's presence, like he was the sun and Gray couldn't shine without his light.

 

Even after all this time, Juvia still wanted the ice mage. Even after being rejected so many times, there was a part of her heart that still desired him. Even after spending long hours with Lucy, talking, laughing, forgetting every stress and worry, Juvia still only chased after  _ him _ .

 

It wasn’t fair. 

 

Gray wasn’t the one who had held Juvia as she cried over crushing a ladybug. Gray wasn’t the one who had watched the sunset with her on bad days, when the usual sparkle in her eyes flickered out. Gray wasn’t the one who whispered  _ I love you _ … into her hair when she was fast asleep and couldn’t hear a thing.

 

Gray wasn’t the one who loved her. 

 

Lucy grimaced, slumping down onto the table. Gods, all she wanted was to cut out this piece of her heart. The piece that still believed that one day Juvia  _ would _ look over her shoulder, would wake up and hear the words Lucy said when they shared a room during missions, would realize why Lucy strived so hard to make her happy.

 

She  _ had _ to stop feeling this way about her. If she didn’t, Juvia would figure out that Lucy liked her and that was the  _ last _ thing she needed. The water mage was in no condition to deal with Lucy’s stupid feelings or start a relationship. Just a few days ago, Gray had pulled her aside, whispering soft, but fierce words to her that had made Juvia wilt like a sickly flower. Lucy’s heart had stopped. She knew what the ice mage had said.

 

Lucy had never wanted to punch Gray more than in that moment.

 

Juvia had pulled away slightly after that. They still watched the sunset, but Juvia was so much more resigned. She didn’t gasp in awe of the pretty shades of red and gold that swirled in the sky like flickering flames. She didn’t point at the cotton candy pink clouds and look at Lucy like a kid on Christmas Eve. She sat farther away from the celestial wizard, making sure her knee didn’t touch Lucy’s like it usually did. And when Lucy gently nudged her for an explanation, all Juvia did was toss her a slight smile, before withdrawing into her own little world again.

 

It was so obvious to her how much Juvia was affected by Gray’s rejection. 

 

Lucy cursed herself. How could she feel this way when Juvia was hurting? How could she want to kiss away her tears when it wasn’t Lucy that Juvia wanted?

 

It all made Lucy’s head spin.

 

“L-Lucy…?” 

 

Lucy looked up, her treacherous heart fluttering when she saw it was Juvia.

 

Juvia smiled softly, blue bangs falling so perfectly into her eyes, hands clasped behind her back in anxious hopefulness.

 

“D-Do you want to watch the s-sunset with J-Juvia?”

 

Lucy stared at the water mage, awestruck. Did she really think Lucy could ever say no to her? Juvia could have grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the guild in the most humiliating way possible and Lucy still wouldn’t have been able to resist that sweet smile.

 

As she stood up, her mind insisted that she stay away. That she let Juvia heal in peace and not bother her with useless feelings. 

 

And her heart ached. Ached at the nervousness in the way Juvia bit her lip and shifted from foot to foot. She had absolutely nothing to be nervous about. Lucy would never in her right mind reject her offer.

 

“Of course, usual spot?”

 

Juvia lit up, and Lucy knew that she would do anything to preserve that look on her face.

 

Wordlessly, Juvia grabbed her hand, tugging impatiently. She didn’t seem to notice the way Lucy gulped and stared down at their fingers, intertwined so perfectly it seemed like they had always been that way.

 

_ Gods, she doesn’t know what she does to me… _

 

✦ ✦ ✦

 

Their spot was a hill on the outskirts of Magnolia. Where they had the perfect angle of the sun dipping below the horizon, light bouncing across the rooftops of the village and bathing the streets with gold.

 

But Lucy wasn’t looking at the sunset this time.

 

All she cared about was how the light traced the strands of Juvia’s hair with fire. The way the wind tousled her long blue locks, making her let out a loud, carefree laugh as she hung on to her hat so it wouldn’t fly off.

 

And when Juvia looked over her shoulder, the entire world seemed to melt away until it was just Lucy, and Juvia, and the way her eyes reflected the soft, golden glint of the sun.

 

“Come here, Lucy-sama,” Juvia beckoned, patting the ground beside her as she sprawled across a patch of grass.

 

Lucy flopped down, sighing in contentment as Juvia shifted beside her. She tried to fight down the swell of joy rising in her throat when Juvia’s knee brushed her own, her head coming down to rest against Lucy’s shoulder.

 

_ Finally… _

 

“Juvia had feelings for him, you know?”

 

And just like that the moment was shattered. That dark feeling coiling in Lucy’s gut awoke from its slumber as she stiffened against Juvia’s side. 

 

She cast a confused glance in Lucy’s direction before continuing. “Juvia cared for Gray… b-because he showed Juvia what it felt like to be  _ warm _ , and  _ safe _ , to have  _ friends _ , to be  _ loved… _ ”

 

Lucy fought the nausea roiling in her belly. Of course. Yet another love confession. She should be used to it by now, she’d heard thousands of them. Watched Juvia profess her love for Gray in front of the sunset a million different ways. 

 

But she couldn’t listen this time.

 

Lucy scrambled to her feet, gritting her teeth against the tears that pricked her eyes. But when she moved to step away, a harsh pull on her wrist had her tumbling to the ground again, gasping as Juvia straddled her hips. 

 

She opened her mouth to protest, face flushing a bright pink, but all the air was sucked out of her lungs when Juvia’s fingertips came up to brush across her lips.

 

“But Gray did more than that…” Lucy was drowning, drowning in the depths of Juvia’s blue eyes, stranded in the ocean, and Juvia’s words were just faint whispers from the shore. 

 

“He may have broken her curse, he may have saved her, he may have let her see the sun…” Juvia trailed off, a perfect, pretty pink dusting her face, “...but you  _ are _ Juvia’s sun, Lucy-sama. Gray led Juvia to  _ you. _ ”

 

Lucy felt more than heard those last words. As if they were carved into Juvia’s heart and Lucy was tracing the outline of those beautiful letters over and over again. Wanted to engrave the same words into her own heart. So they would match. 

 

_ You are my sun… _

 

“All her life, Juvia has been looking for it. For the sun...s-she…” the blue haired woman trailed off, releasing a broken laugh, “She’s sorry she t-took so long.”

 

Lucy giggled, leaning forward to press her forehead to Juvia’s. She could smell the bitter, salty tang of her tears and for once, she didn’t have to hold herself back from kissing them away.

 

“Juvia reached her sun…” The words were murmured against her lips and instead of replying, Lucy just kissed her breathless.

 

_ You can’t reach something that’s always been with you, love. _

  
  



	2. Finding the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you. I know I shouldn’t. I know what we have between us could get me killed. But somehow, I don’t care. I would rather die knowing what it feels like to hold you in my arms, to kiss you, to touch you, to love you, than live a life where you’re not in my heart…
> 
> There had been more, because Sting could never make anything easy for himself. Had to ramble on and on as if he needed to explain the feelings in his heart. As if Rogue didn’t know exactly how he felt. As if he didn’t feel the same.
> 
> The rest of his words had been blurred by Rogue’s tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this is the first time I have EVER written Stingue. I just...kinda followed my heart on this ya know? Kinda just poured out of me and I zoned out until I finished and edited all the scrambled emotions that I came up with. Anyway, I hope you all like it, and please let me know what you think so I can improve in the future. This is my first attempt at Stingue after all and it was so satisfying. I feel really soft and emotional right now...aNYWAY Enjoy <3

**I know a place where we can run...**

 

They were 10 years-old the first time Sting asked. Under their cherry-blossom tree in the palace gardens, delicate pink and white petals fluttering around them like snow.

 

“Run away with me.”

 

It was more of a statement than a question. Whispered with a fierce, almost commanding tone that would have gotten the stableboy killed had anyone been around to hear it. There was a strange glint in his blue eyes, an intensity Rogue had never seen before. At least not with Sting, who was all carefree laughs and bright smiles. 

 

The way he was staring at Rogue made something in his stomach twist in an odd mixture of fear and excitement. Sting had never looked so serious before, tension coiling around him like a serpent. Feeling nervous, Rogue could do nothing but laugh.

 

“Don’t be stupid, Sting,” Rogue fiddled with the velvet edges of his robes, flushing under that piercing stare, “We both have duties to attend to. I’m a prince, I can’t just  _ leave _ my people.”

 

“But Gajeel’s next in line to the throne,  _ he _ can keep the kingdom safe,” Rogue glanced up at the pleading in his voice, breath hitching at the wide softness of his eyes, “I just...wanted to play with you more.”

 

Every part of Rogue’s being ached to agree with him. To grab his hand and just  _ run _ .

 

Over the ivy-covered palace walls, beyond the rolling hills, across the vast ocean to someplace where Sting was just Sting and he was just Rogue.

 

Not Master.

 

Not His Highness.

 

Not Prince Rogue Cheney of the Kingdom of Fiore.

 

Just Rogue.

 

Rogue took a hesitant step forward, gently intertwining his fingers with Sting’s, thumbs rubbing over the rough, work-hardened calluses of his palms.

 

“Even if I could,” he murmured, tracing the outline of an old, faded scar on Sting’s knuckles, “Where would we go? In every city in Fiore, the locals are sure to recognize me, and there’s nothing beyond the kingdom, but endless miles of desert.”

 

Rogue sighed contentedly as Sting leaned into his touch, arms wrapping around him in a loose embrace.

 

He tried not to think about how perfectly they fit together.

 

But, he couldn’t just leave the few people he actually cared about. Crown Prince Gajeel, his brother, Yukino, the sweet, soft-eyed servant girl who kept him company when he was sick, Gray, one of his few friends, a child of a noble in the King’s Court. Those people meant the world to him, just as much as Sting did. And besides, there was no place he could run where his father wouldn’t find him. Rogue shuddered at the thought of the Black Knights catching them. Running them down no matter how fast they ran, leaping out of the shadows like ghosts, grabbing him in a vice-like grip before shoving Sting to his knees and arresting him. Rogue would get scolded harshly, perhaps be forced to stay in the palace for the rest of his life, but Sting…

 

He would get executed before the sun rose the next day.

 

Rogue clenched his fists in the soiled, sweat-stained material of Sting’s shirt, burying his face in his neck and trying to force those thoughts out of his head. But they plagued him, as relentless as the shadow that followed him, forever echoing in the back of his mind.

 

“What if I found a place?”

 

Rogue pulled away slightly, just enough to throw Sting a half-hearted glare.

 

“Don’t you ever listen? I said there’s no place-”

 

“Yeah, yeah, ‘there’s no place in Fiore where the King won’t find you’, blah, blah, blah,” Sting waved his hand dismissively, tilting his head as a faraway look clouded his eyes.

 

Rogue recognized that day-dreamy stare. It was the same look Sting gave him when he talked about traveling outside the kingdom, or when he talked about becoming a knight, or when he laid on his back under the stars and pointed out all the constellations that Rogue had never learned about. 

 

A glorious shiver of anticipation rolled down his spine as a slow, excited grin spread across Sting’s face.

 

“What if we went  _ under _ Fiore?”

 

✦ ✦ ✦

 

Rogue let out a shuddering breath, glancing over his shoulder every few minutes, paranoia and anxious excitement pulsing through his veins with every step he took.

 

The hallway was dimly illuminated by the kerosene lamp gripped tightly in his hand, light and shadow flickering across the smooth palace walls in an endless dance. Though he was barefoot, he could swear each and every one of his footsteps echoed throughout the room as loud as a clap of thunder, heart beating so loudly in his ears it was a miracle no one had heard it yet.

 

He froze at every slight sound. The whisper of wind, the rustle of leaves outside an open window, the muffled, half-asleep murmurs of the guards patrolling the corridors. His heart stopped when one guard turned the corner, pressing into the shadows as the man nearly brushed his elbow before continuing down the hall in blissful ignorance.

 

It was a wonder that Rogue hadn’t gotten used to this yet.

 

Six years.

 

Six years he had been sneaking out late at night, the moon as his only witness while he slipped through the familiar hallways as graceful as a shadow.

 

It was a handful of scattered days within every fortnight, stolen moments when his father wasn’t breathing down his neck, or those times of night when he just couldn’t sleep and Sting  _ knew _ somehow. Would be waiting for him in the darkness no matter how cold the stone felt under his feet.

 

Rogue let out a relieved breath as he stepped out into the gardens, delighting in the refreshing feeling of damp grass and night-chilled earth between his toes. He tipped his head back for a moment, relishing the brisk night breeze and the faint sounds of crickets chirping.

 

_ Freedom _ .

 

He wasted no time in finding the entrance to the caves, taking a deep breath before plunging into the darkness that had become as comfortable to him as his own bed. Soft, shadowy arms wrapped around him, the only light coming from his flickering lamp and the trickles of moonshine seeping through the cracks in the ceiling of the caverns. 

 

Rogue reached out, finding that shallow cut in the stone walls and brushing his fingers against it as he walked, the kerosene slowly burning out with every passing moment. But Rogue wasn’t worried. After all this time, he knew these passages like the back of his hand. Had explored every nook and cranny with Sting by his side. And if he got lost...he honestly wouldn’t mind. Better to be lost in a place that felt like home than in a palace that felt like a prison. 

 

Rogue barely noticed when the lamp went out, the blackness swallowing him whole. He closed his eyes and just felt the coolness of stone beneath his feet and the chill of the air against his skin. But still he walked, following the cut in the wall just as he followed the tugging in his heart. Trusted the darkness to lead him to the light.

 

Trusted it to lead him to Sting. 

 

When he felt the rush of air against his face, sensed the cave opening up around him into a high-ceilinged cavern, he knew he had arrived.

 

And when he opened his eyes, there he was.

 

His light.

 

Sting’s head was tipped back against the wall, golden hair laced with moonlight that filtered in lazily from the hole in the ceiling. His eyes were closed and Rogue hovered at the edge of the cavern, admiring the way his pale skin lit up in the darkness. A beacon of light that Rogue would always find, even in the blackest of nights.

 

Gods, he just wanted to run his fingers over every inch of him.

 

Seemingly sensing his presence, Sting blinked his eyes open sleepily, tilting his head forward as a dazzling grin pulled at the corners of his mouth. 

 

Rogue looked away. Sometimes Sting was just too bright.

 

“C’mere.”

 

Almost of their own volition, Rogue’s feet stumbled forward, falling not-so-gracefully into Sting’s arms. 

 

As soon as he felt those hands around his waist, that warm breath puffing against his neck, that soft hair tickling his cheek, Rogue didn’t feel cold anymore.

 

He felt warm. So warm.

 

“Couldn’t sleep?” Rogue jumped as Sting broke the silence, swatting him playfully as he felt the other boy’s chest tremble with laughter.

 

“Jus’ too many thoughts in my head,” he whispered, curling into Sting’s chest so tightly, he could feel his heartbeat against his cheek.

 

Sting snorted, “You have thoughts?”

 

Rogue pulled away, scowling at the mirth in Sting’s luminous blue eyes. “Way to ruin the moment!”

 

Sting leaned in close, breath ghosting Rogue’s ear, “Sorry...I just wanted to see that look on your face.”

 

Rogue knew Sting didn’t have to look at him to know he was blushing, could probably feel the heat coming off of his cheeks as he flushed a bright red. Soft lips curved into a smile against his throat and Rogue shuddered as Sting pressed a soft kiss to the curve of his neck.

 

A flash of light made Rogue grimace, glancing up to see the moon had shifted directly over the opening in the ceiling. A wandering beam of light trailed up the wall of the cave, and Rogue felt a deep swell of nostalgia roll over him as he caught sight of the carvings.

 

All across the cavern wall, words were etched into the stone. 

 

Some were random notes,  _ Frosch disappeared today. I swear Gray took her, that ice-brained traitor probably wants to keep her all for himself.  _

 

Some were silly thoughts,  _ Rogue, I’m pretty sure Minerva’s a witch, do you think if I poured water on her, she’ll melt? _

 

And some were dark secrets,  _ There was an assassination attempt on Gajeel today. No one outside my family is supposed to know, but I’m so scared, Sting, what if they kill him, what will I do without him? _

 

The carvings were only there because sometimes one of them just couldn’t make it to their meeting spot. So they would etch a message into the wall, let the other know how their day had been, what gossip they had heard, what story they were desperate to tell. And when they returned the next time, there would be a reply just under it.

 

Rogue loved their carvings. It made the cavern  _ theirs _ . Their secret spot to hide away from the world when they felt alone and scared. When they needed a place to run. When life just became overwhelming, they would step into the caverns and everything disappeared. All worries and responsibilities and stresses. All of it was stripped away. Until Sting was just Sting and Rogue was just Rogue.

 

But Rogue’s favorite engravings were the words they hadn’t gotten the courage to say to each other yet.

 

He remembered when he had wandered into the caverns a few months ago. His father had yelled at him in front of the entire court and all Rogue had wanted to do was melt into the marble floor and evaporate in the sunlight like a puddle of water. His father’s words had been unrestrained and unfiltered, because he was the second child, so it didn’t matter if he was disgraced in front of a whole crowd of people. He was worthless. Another warm body taking up space. He would never be as loved and cherished as his brother, would always be just another servant of the King.

 

He remembered crying when he saw the fresh carving in the stone wall.

 

_ I love you. I know I shouldn’t. I know what we have between us could get me killed. But somehow, I don’t care. I would rather die knowing what it feels like to hold you in my arms, to kiss you, to touch you, to love you, than live a life where you’re not in my heart… _

 

There had been more, because Sting could never make anything easy for himself. Had to ramble on and on as if he needed to explain the feelings in his heart. As if Rogue didn’t know exactly how he felt. As if he didn’t feel the same.

 

The rest of his words had been blurred by Rogue’s tears.

 

_ I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you… _

 

Rogue ran his fingers over those three words a million times, feeling the ridges of stone beneath his finger tips, traced each and every letter until he memorized their placement. 

 

Could find those three words even in the dark when he wanted to.

 

_ I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you... _

 

“Rogue…?”

 

“I love you.”

 

Instantly, Rogue slapped his hands over his mouth, face burning so intensely he felt lightheaded.

 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

 

Rogue gulped, daring to meet Sting’s gaze.

 

It was a mistake. Because as soon as he looked, he couldn’t look away.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

Sting’s eyes were practically glowing in the dark, illuminated by the moonlight and scattered with stars and Rogue couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and brushing a finger against the smattering of freckles on the bridge of his nose.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sting’s words were slightly cautious as he nuzzled into Rogue’s hand.

 

Rogue didn’t know if he was breathing, “I just...th-that’s the f-first time we...s-said it to each other…”

 

“...No it’s not,” Sting pushed away from him slightly, grabbing his hand and pulling Rogue to his feet. The moment Sting took his first step, Rogue knew where they were going. His breath hitched and Sting pressed his fingers against a carving, hidden in a patch of darkness, away from the brilliance of the moon.

 

_ I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you… _

 

And then Sting dragged Rogue’s fingers downward, skimming across a brief, blank piece of the wall before settling on another engraving.

 

_ I love you, too. _

 

✦ ✦ ✦

 

When Sting asked the second time, Rogue was a little hesitant.

 

He knew his father could probably track him down within the fortnight. 

 

But even a few days of freedom with Sting by his side was worth anything his father could throw at him.

 

He knew he was practically abandoning the people who actually cared about him.

 

But he also knew how they’d react to the news.

 

Yukino would gasp, face flushing, hands coming up to cover her mouth in surprise before gifting him a squeal and a supportive smile.

 

Gray would be sad for a moment, blue eyes rounded with concern and worry before wrapping his arms around Rogue’s neck and squeezing him tight, whispering soft assurances and loving words of encouragement.

 

Gajeel wouldn’t even flinch. Rogue knew he suspected where his little brother wandered off to every other day, was grateful that despite how it violated so many laws, Gajeel still refused to turn him over. Gajeel would ruffle his hair, pull him in close to his chest and tuck Rogue’s head underneath his chin. He wouldn’t say anything, but Rogue would know exactly what he was trying to tell him.

 

When Sting asked the third time, Rogue didn’t hesitate.

 

“Run away with me?”

 

“Yes.”

  
  



	3. Why Choose Between the Sun and the Moon When You Could Have Both?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Asking what other people would do doesn’t solve your problem. You should be asking what you would do…”
> 
> Damn Mira and her wisdom.
> 
> That only left one last option.
> 
> Mavis, I’m going to regret this…
> 
> Time to visit dear old dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh what do you do when you can't choose between Luvia, Juviana and Lucana?? YOU SMASH ALL THREE SHIPS TOGETHER AND HOPE FOR THE BEST!!! And in this case, we really did get the best!! Luviana is EVERYTHING so I hope you guys enjoy this fic as much as I love this ship (which is probably impossible because LUVIANA <333)

**They mean everything to me...**

 

Cana was screwed.

 

So _screwed_.

 

How was she supposed to choose?

 

Lucy was her sun. Bright and golden. The center of her universe. Always lighting up her path with a laugh and a warm smile, guiding her towards a better future. The only one who could bring her back from the edge of oblivion, when everything was fuzzy and numb and so, _so_ cold. But Lucy was always there to envelope her in light and life. To remind her that she was worth so much more than she thought and to beat back the shadows that nipped at her heels. 

 

Juvia was her moon. Pale and lovely. A shy maiden that hid behind the clouds. Always keeping her company when she was lost and alone, even when Cana couldn’t see her. The only one who understood that sometimes Cana _needed_ to drown in darkness, _needed_ to close her eyes and just fade away. But Juvia was always there to remind her that there was hope. Even in the blackest of nights, Juvia was the beacon of light that guided her home. 

 

And now they both had confessed to her. In such different ways.

 

Lucy had declared it to the world. Looking straight into Cana’s eyes and pouring every emotion from the depths of her heart. Her eyes burned so bright, Cana had to look away or be blinded by the raw love and conviction swirling in those chocolate brown depths. But even as she looked away she could still feel the warmth, pulsing under her skin and running through her veins. 

 

Lucy made her feel alive.

 

Juvia had whispered it into her ear. Blushing and ducking her head and fumbling for words that eluded her. But Cana could barely hear her voice, too caught up in the soft pink that graced her pale skin and the delicate scent of lavender that made Cana’s heart flutter. But even though Juvia’s eyes were hidden behind her bangs, Cana could still imagine their deep blue, pulling at her heartstrings like the moon pulling the tides.

 

Juvia made her feel wanted.

 

Her mind told her that it was unwise to fall in love with two completely different people. But her heart insisted that underneath their polar opposite personalities, they had the same beautiful soul. And Cana had fallen in love with that soul, not once, but twice.

 

But what was she supposed to say? _“I’m sorry, I’m bad at making decisions. Let’s do eeny-meeny-miny-moe.”_

 

Cana shook her head in frustration. Yes, she was most definitely screwed.

 

She had even asked all of Fairy Tail for an answer.

 

_Sun or Moon, which one would you choose?_

 

Natsu had said Moon, Gray had said Sun, then they bickered about it, dissolving into an oh-so-familiar fist fight while Cana had simply walked away, thinking she should have seen that coming. Those two really needed to get a room.

 

Erza had pondered it, weighing each option carefully with a seriousness that would have been comical if Cana wasn’t being torn in half waiting for her answer. And Mira hadn’t said a thing, just hummed in the background as Erza made her pros and cons list, giving Cana a knowing look, like she knew what Cana was truly asking.

 

 _“Asking what other people would do doesn’t solve your problem. You should be asking what_ **_you_ ** _would do…”_

 

Damn Mira and her wisdom.

 

That only left one last option.

 

_Mavis, I’m going to regret this…_

 

Time to visit dear old dad.

 

✦ ✦ ✦

 

It was dusk. That strange time when it wasn’t quite day and it wasn’t quite night. The few fleeting moments when the sun and moon danced in harmony, lighting up the sky with gorgeous reds and golds, edged with the soft purple of twilight. 

 

If Cana looked straight ahead, she could see the sun sinking below the horizon, rosy-orange rays tracing arcs across the sky.

 

If she glanced over her shoulder, she could see the moon rising, stars blinking to life in its wake, soft blue glow chasing away the pink and gold.

 

“Gods I hope this works…” Cana muttered, plucking a colorful, overly-decorated card out of her satchel.

 

She placed in on the ground in the center of the clearing, murmuring the required spell then taking a few steps back. She shifted awkwardly, staring at the empty spot where her father was supposed to appear.

 

“G-Gildarts…?” Nothing.

 

“Dad…?” Silence.

 

“Oh for the love of…” Cana sighed, _“...Daddy?”_

 

There was a brilliant flash of light, and Cana scowled as she looked away so she wouldn’t be blinded. _Figures…_

 

“CANA!!!” 

 

Cana squealed as arms wrapped around her, warm and strong and hard as steel. They lifted her off the ground, spinning her in fast, dizzying circles before cradling her close to a firm, broad chest.

 

“What does my baby girl need from her daddy?” Cana glared up at Gildarts’ face, trying to push down the swell of affection that welled up in her chest as she took in his wide grin.

 

“I don’t need anything from you, old man!” Cana squirmed in his iron grip, “I just wanted your opinion, maybe some advice.”

 

Gildarts set her down, ruffling her dark hair before rubbing his thumb across her cheek. “What kind of advice, sweetheart?”

 

Cana growled at the nickname before swatting his hand away, “...the romantic kind…”

 

Gildarts’ eyes widened, “Well, damn, never thought I’d live to see the day my strong, independent daughter came to _me_ for dating advice.”

 

“IT’S NOT DATING ADVICE!” Cana shot back, ignoring the flash of joy she felt at his praise, “I just...needed you to tell me what to do.”

 

Gildarts raised an eyebrow at that, but wisely kept his mouth shut. 

 

“Th-there’s these two girls...Lucy and Juvia…” Cana bit her lip, struggling to get the words out, “A-and I _like_ them. Both of them. Equally. And _not_ platonically.” She blushed as she rushed to get those last words out, unsure of how he’d react, but Gildarts didn’t even bat an eye, just gestured for her to keep going. 

 

“And they both told me that they like me too...”

 

“So...what’s the problem…?” Cana glanced up at him, shocked that he could be that clueless.

 

“What d’you mean ‘what’s the problem’?! I’m in love with _two_ girls for Mavis’ sake! I-It’s like being in love with both the sun _and_ the moon!” Gildarts opened his mouth to respond, but Cana wasn’t finished yet.

 

“And I can’t be in love with both! I have to _choose_ , and I just _can’t_ and-”

 

“Hey, hey, hold-up,” Gildarts interrupted, placing both hands on Cana’s shoulders. She looked up at him, distressed tears glimmering in her eyes. “Who told you you have to choose?”

 

Cana stared at him, dumbfounded. “H-Huh…?”

 

She searched for that familiar teasing gleam, that spark of mischief that always drove her insane because he could never take _anything_ seriously but...it wasn’t there. All she saw was unbridled love and exasperation.

 

“Cana…why would you choose between the sun and moon when you could have _both?”_ Cana’s heart stuttered. She blinked up at him, trying to formulate an answer, but she drew blanks at every turn.

 

“B-But everyone else says-”

 

“Screw what everyone else says! Society and all its damn rules can go to hell for all I care!” Cana was taken aback at the fierceness of his tone, “All I care about...is what makes _you_ happy. If both these girls love you, and you love them, then what’s stopping you from having them both?”

 

Cana blinked her eyes furiously, desperately trying not to let the tears fall. “Y-You...you damn _sap_ …” 

 

Gildarts chuckled, “The fact is Cana, you want me to tell you what you want to hear, but the only way you’ll _get_ what you want is if you tell _yourself_ it’s possible.” He grinned impishly. “At least that’s what my parenting handbook says!”

 

Despite herself, Cana laughed, giving up on controlling her tears. The angry knot of confusion and despair loosened slightly, finally allowing her to breathe. 

 

“Damn...you’re right…they mean everything to me...” she hiccuped.

 

“‘Course I am! I’m your father, aren’t I?”

 

She shoved him playfully, swiping at her face as she sniffed. “See you ‘round, old timer.”

 

There was something soft in his eyes as he pulled her in for one last hug, the golden light already creeping up his body, twining around his arms. “I love you, Cana…”

 

Then he was gone, his solid warmth dissipating as fast as it had appeared, leaving Cana strangely cold. But her skin tingled where his fingers had touched and even though he wasn’t there anymore, she could still feel his presence deep in her bones.

 

“Love you too, daddy.”

 

✦ ✦ ✦

 

Cana didn’t feel complete.

 

She had never been searching for that feeling. Fairy Tail had given her happiness, safety, warmth and love. And though it had taken _years_ , she had finally reunited with her father too. She didn’t need anything else to complete herself. She had everything she needed.

 

But, for the first time, Cana felt _more_ than complete. She felt invincible and strong and larger than life. 

 

How else would she feel when she practically had the heavens in her arms?

 

She remembered that story she once heard. About a boy named Icarus who fell to his death because he flew too close to the sun.

 

Well, sucks for him, because Cana could _touch_ the sun. Every day. She held pure sunshine in her hands every time she ran her fingers through Lucy’s hair, felt it warming her skin whenever Lucy hugged her, could taste its rich, honey-flavor whenever Lucy pressed her lips to Cana’s.

 

And then there were those people who dreamed of falling in love with the moon. Only to wake up to realize that dream would never come true.

 

But, for Cana, that dream _did_ come true. It came true over and over again. Every time Juvia snuggled up to her at night, blue hair tickling her chin, face peaceful and achingly beautiful. Every time she kitten-sneezed, or tripped on her dress, or staggered around in high heels.

 

And now here she was. Holding the sun and the moon close to her chest while their fingers intertwined over her stomach. Cana truly was unbelievably lucky, when all her life she had thought the opposite. Because she would never have to choose between them.

 

She would always have both.

  



	4. When Words Fall Flat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re wrong, you know.”
> 
>  
> 
> Gray’s vision blurred, the scents from earlier crashing down on top of him like a wave, choking him until all he could smell was himself and Natsu and how perfectly they mixed together.
> 
>  
> 
> “All those thoughts in your head, I can practically see them. They’re wrong. They’re all wrong,” Natsu’s voice was laced with desperation, “Don’t listen to them. Listen to me. For once in your damn life listen to me…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I took something that was supposed to be fluffy and happy and turned into angst. Didn't think I could ever do that, but with this ship, anything's possible I guess! Anyway, hope you enjoy, and don't be afraid to let me know what you think <333

**It's nothing to you, but I like you just the way you are...**

 

One of these days, he was going to do it.

 

He was going to stop opening the sock drawer and just staring at what lay inside.

 

He was going to stop fiddling with it absentmindedly, turning it over and over again in his fingers as if looking for secret words engraved on the side.

 

He was going to stop hesitating, the words teetering on the edge of his lips before falling back into the darkness of his heart.

 

One day, he would do it.

 

One day, he would be worthy.

 

But, not today.

 

Gray sighed, brushing his thumb over the cold, pristine metal one last time, admiring the way it sparkled in the dim light before pushing the drawer shut with a dull thump. He stood there for a moment, itching to rip the drawer open and pluck out the black velvet box inside. His heart ached to dash out onto the street and hunt down the dragonslayer, drag him to the riverbank and just…

 

_No._

 

Gray wrenched himself away, stumbling through their bedroom, tripping over scattered piles of laundry. _Damn,_ between his stripping habit and Natsu’s sloppiness, he was going to trip and fall down the stairs one of these days. 

 

Gray staggered into the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. His eyes traced the faded scar above his eyebrow, the sickly pale color of his skin, the dull navy blue of his eyes.

 

The more Gray observed, the more confused he felt.

 

_What the hell does Natsu see in me?_

 

Natsu, whose vibrant green eyes burned with the radiance of a thousand suns.

 

Natsu, who could power a whole damn city with just one of his smiles.

 

Natsu, who was the heart of Fairy Tail, its sole source of light and hope.

 

Gray was just waiting for the day the fire mage would wake up next and realize he’d made a mistake.

 

But Gray wasn’t going to let that happen. He would be _better_ . He would be _worthy_. He would prove to Natsu that he deserved him. 

 

All he had to do was change everything about himself.

 

Gray bit his lip, blinking back tears. Natsu deserved someone who could match his light, someone who could laugh and joke around and interact with others without feeling sick to their stomach after a short while. Natsu deserved someone who didn’t rip off their clothes and embarrass him every other day, someone who was bright and bubbly and enthusiastic…

 

Someone who was not Gray.

 

Some days it seemed so _possible_ . Some days, he made an _effort_ to change. He pushed passed the twinge of discomfort and made conversation with absolute strangers, even when all he wanted was to sit with Natsu, just the two of them, and watch the night sky. He forced his lips into wide smiles, pretending not to notice how fake it felt, just to show Natsu that he could be cheerful and exuberant like Lisanna and Lucy. He punished himself every time he stripped, pinching the inside of his wrist so hard that most days he’d sit in silence and watch his blood make pretty patterns on the tile floor. Just for Natsu.

 

_One day, this will all pay off. One day, I can finally ask him. One day, I’ll be worthy._

 

_One day, one day, one day, one day, one day…_

 

Maybe if he repeated it enough times, he’d finally believe it.

 

Gray groaned, running a tired hand through his disheveled hair, the other hand gripping the edge of the sink so hard, a thin layer of ice dusted the white china. He only let go when the mirror fogged up and he could clearly see his breath, cursing as he noticed the frost covering the walls of the room and spilling out into the hallway. 

 

Gray trudged back into the bedroom, collapsing on the bed again and staring blankly at the ceiling.

 

Things had gotten even worse today.

 

A new member had just joined the guild, bright-eyed and head full of dreams. Gray could tell they were going to fit right in with the boisterous, outgoing Fairy Tail crowd. He had taken a deep breath, plastering on that forced sunshiny smile, but for the life of him, he couldn’t get his feet to move. Nerves and anxiety gnawed at his insides, body shutting down as he slumped lower into his chair, trying to hide from the curious gaze of his new guildmate. 

 

_For Mavis’ sake, go welcome them!_

 

But he just couldn’t. Instead, he had watched numbly as Lucy and Lisanna, Cana and Juvia, Freed and Evergreen and even _Laxus_ went over to greet the mage. But when Natsu had arrived, he outshone them all. Smile so warm, it was like the sun had descended on the guild, gaze burning with that familiar passion that sent shivers down Gray’s spine and when he tipped his head back to laugh…

 

Gray had known it was never going to happen.

 

He would never match Natsu’s light.

 

He would never be worthy.

 

Gray jerked as the door was slammed open, the temperature of the apartment increasing by a few degrees. Something inside Gray reminded him that he didn’t deserve to bask in this warmth, but with every ounce of strength he had left, he shoved that tiny voice aside. He got to his feet just as Natsu poked his head into the room, hand playfully covering his eyes.

 

“Are you decent?” 

 

Gray rolled his eyes, a smile tugging on his lips as he scoffed, “When am I ever decent?”

 

“True,” Natsu grinned, sidling up to Gray, “But it’s not like I’m complaining.”

 

Gray flushed, heart skipping a beat, before he shoved Natsu away, “Sh-shut up.”

 

He ducked his head, taking deep breaths to calm his raging blush, but he could _feel_ Natsu smirking at him, and that was definitely _not_ helping his heart rate.

 

Gray gasped as Natsu snaked his arms around his waist, grabbing Gray’s chin in one callused hand before tipping the ice mage’s head up. “Why weren’t you at the guild, Snowflake? We got a new member today, she’s super nice! You would’ve liked her.”

 

Gray gave him a strained smile, deciding not to tell him that he _had_ been there, but had opted to slink away like a coward instead of socializing like a normal person. “I-I was just tired…one of _those_ days, you know?”

 

Natsu pouted, a strange look in his eyes as he ran his fingers over Gray’s jaw before brushing his lips softly, “Yeah, I get it…but I still missed you.”

 

_You shouldn’t have, I’m not worth it._

 

Gray was really starting to hate that tiny voice.

 

“‘M sorry,” Gray whispered, nuzzling into Natsu’s fingers and kissing his palm, “I’ll try harder next time.”

 

Natsu raised an eyebrow, eyes narrowing slightly in concern, “Hey, it’s ok, Popsicle. You didn’t feel good, I’d rather you stay home and rest than do something you didn’t feel like doing.”

 

Gray’s heart squeezed at the sincerity in his voice, wanting to hide from the soft look in his eyes.

 

“You don’t have to try _anything_ for me, I like you just the way you are.”

 

“I-I believe you,” Gray mumbled, trying to pour as much confidence into his voice as possible, but he still inwardly cringed at the doubt churning beneath the thin layer of conviction. Behind him, the little black box seemed to burn a hole straight through the drawer, its presence weighing heavily on Gray’s soul.

 

_One day, one day, one day, one day, one day..._

 

Natsu squeezed Gray’s hips, breath ghosting over the curve of his throat before kissing that sensitive spot in the juncture of his neck and shoulder. “Mmm that’s good,” another kiss, “Because I do.”

 

Gray made a soft sound as Natsu peppered sweet, soft kisses all across his pale skin, stepping forward to press Gray against a wall before pulling away just slightly.

 

“I love you,” Natsu murmured, diving down to suck on the ice mage’s collarbone as Gray’s fingers carded through his wild pink locks.

 

And Gray believed it.

 

He just wished he deserved it.

 

✦ ✦ ✦

 

“...What are you doing?”

 

Natsu glanced over his shoulder, giving Happy a brief, one-armed hug in greeting before rubbing his face against the couch again.

 

“Scent marking,” he mumbled, voice muffled as he pressed into the couch pillows, making sure they were all soaked in his distinct aroma. 

 

Natsu didn’t give Happy a chance to ask more questions, leaping to his feet and nuzzling into the curtains before casting a suspicious glance outside and yanking them firmly closed. Natsu growled lowly as he made his way to the bedroom, body constantly brushing against the walls to cover them in his scent as well.

 

That morning, he had caught the scent of another dominant dragonslayer. He didn’t know who the hell the guy was, or what he was doing so close to Magnolia, but Natsu didn’t care. He could smell the stranger’s foul stench from a mile off, feeling like knives were prickling his skin as an ancient, primal instinct pulsed through his veins. 

 

 _If that guy even_ **_thinks_ ** _of getting near Gray, I’m going to rip his head off._

 

Natsu smirked in satisfaction at the dark thought, fists yearning to collide with soft flesh and teach that strange dragonslayer whose territory they had the misfortune of wandering into. 

 

Dragonslayer mating bonds were forever, and Gray’s loyalty and love had never wavered once in the two years they had been together, but Natsu had picked up the foreign scent a week ago and the outsider showed no sign of moving on any time soon. Natsu couldn’t help the agitation bubbling up in his stomach.

 

This was _his_ nest, and by all the gods, he was going to protect it.

 

Natsu shouldered open the closet door, pulling out one of Gray’s shirts and rubbing his cheek against it, purring as he inhaled the sweet scent of peppermint and vanilla.

 

Mavis, he shouldn’t have let Gray go out on his own today, not when some weird dragonslayer was wandering around waiting to snatch him up. Just the thought of what could happen to the ice mage made a rush of adrenaline spike through the fire mage’s blood, fangs sharpening as he tightened his grip on the shirt, grabbing random articles of clothing and drenching them in his scent.

 

When Gray got back, Natsu wasn’t letting him go until the stranger’s disgusting smell was a distant memory.

 

Natsu closed the closet door, stepping back proudly as he scanned the room for other things he could mark before his mate came home. Shrugging his shoulders, he made his way over to the dusty old sock drawer. He’d never opened it before since he always wore sandals, but Gray definitely used it so he might as well scent mark everything.

 

Natsu rummaged through the drawer, tossing socks over his shoulder as he marked each and every one of them. Just as he was about the close it, Natsu caught an odd metallic scent. Tilting his head curiously, he dug further, arm reaching into the farthest corner before…

 

_Gotcha!_

 

His blood froze when he pulled his arm out.

 

It was a box.

 

A black velvet box.

 

Natsu blinked, rubbing his eyes vigorously to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. Sharply inhaling, he eased the top open, staring down at what lay inside.

 

His breath caught in his throat as he gently removed the object, the box falling out of his lap to plop uselessly on the floor.

 

It was a ring. Sleek and diamond studded, metal a soft, silvery white that glistened in the lamp light. It felt almost soft in his rough fingers, the gems tiny and fragile as they sparkled. 

 

_Is this...did Gray…_

 

By the smell of it, it had been crammed in the corner of the drawer for at least a year, the box slightly worn with age and constant use, as if Gray had opened and closed it a million times. 

 

_But why wouldn’t he…_

 

The realization crashed into Natsu’s face like a ton of bricks.

 

The overly animated way Gray had been talking with other people, words painfully upbeat and energetic. The way he nearly forced himself to touch them, a light tap on their shoulder, or a slight brush against their arm. The way he barely hid the flinch when they nudged him back.

 

The way Gray’s lips contorted into a smile that looked too bright, too happy. Almost like plastic, fused into place at a moment’s notice, but Natsu could see how fake it was. Could see the tension in the way his lips stretched thin, teeth gritted, eyes straining to meet the other person’s gaze.

 

The way Gray had mysteriously stopped stripping so often. The random scars that appeared on his wrists overnight, the faint scent of blood wafting through the air, the frantic look in Gray’s eyes as he insisted everything was ok.

 

But it wasn’t ok.

 

_Oh gods, Gray…_

 

Natsu didn’t understand how he hadn’t realized it earlier. 

 

He had seen the shame in Gray’s eyes when he had been caught stripping, how he hissed scathing remarks to himself under his breath when he thought Natsu was out of earshot.

 

He had heard the words Gray repeated to himself in the mirror, the endless mantra of _“one day I’ll be worthy, one day I’ll deserve this,”_ when he thought Natsu had been asleep.

 

He had smelt the sadness in the room when he had walked in yesterday. A bitter tang of self-loathing mixed in with the joy Gray gave off whenever he was near the dragonslayer.

 

_“I can change, I can be better, I can be worthy if I just stop…”_

 

Natsu cursed himself. He had thought his words were enough. Whispered into Gray’s ear at every spare moment, under his breath, at the top of his lungs, half-asleep, wide awake.

 

_You don’t have to try anything for me, I like you just the way you are._

 

_“I-I believe you…”_

 

It all made sense now. The desperation in Gray’s eyes, the slight tremor in his voice…

 

_I’m such an idiot._

 

Natsu clutched the ring close to his chest, squeezing the thin metal so hard, he was sure it would snap in half. He took a deep breath, ducking down to press a kiss to the shimmering white-blue diamonds. He knew what he had to do. He knew what would finally drill his words into Gray’s stubborn head, what would finally make him understand.

 

_Sorry, Snowflake, I’m gonna have to borrow this…_

 

✦ ✦ ✦

 

The second Gray walked in, he was practically attacked by Natsu’s scent.

 

It was _everywhere_. His heightened devilslayer senses immediately picked up on the raw, intoxicating smell of fire and cinnamon soaking into his furniture, completely covering the curtains and lingering on the pale plaster walls. Underneath the overpowering aroma, he could catch faint traces of his own refreshing mint and vanilla, swirling together with the fire mage’s smoky scent so perfectly it made him lightheaded.

 

The ice mage rubbed his eyes drowsily. His arms were stiff with overuse, legs heavy with exhaustion. The mission had taken a lot out of him, nearly draining him of magic energy, so the whole world was tinged yellow and swayed gently from side to side. Gray yawned, stumbling into the living room. 

 

Natsu was waiting for him, green eyes snapping to the doorway just as Gray entered, knee jogging restlessly as he fiddled with something in his hands. But Gray was too tired to care about what it was.

 

“Natsu?” He shook his head to clear it, “Why are you still awake...it’s...it’s late-”

 

Gray nearly bit his tongue as Natsu materialized right in front of him.

 

There was an odd look in his eyes, love and irritation and fury crashing together in a raging green inferno. Gray couldn’t look away, trapped by the intense heat, consumed by those everlasting flames until he was barely aware of his own existence.

 

“Nat-”

 

“You lied to me.”

 

Gray’s eyes widened, a spark of indignation igniting inside him as his jaw dropped. “What?! No I-”

 

“When I said I liked you the way you are,” Natsu leaned forward, face so close Gray had to look away before he lost himself in those eyes, “You said you believed me.”

 

He could hardly breathe as Natsu pressed his forehead against him, warm breath fluttering over his lips as his hands came around to circle Gray’s waist. 

 

A low, rumbling growl echoed from deep within Natsu’s chest, “I’ve told you...so many times. I’ve told you I love you every day we’ve been together...why won’t you believe me?”

 

Gray’s heart stuttered at the pain in Natsu’s voice, pulling away to cup his face with long, pale fingers.

 

“Natsu…”

 

_I do believe you. I believe everything you say. But I don’t deserve this. Not yet. I’m almost there just let me…_

 

“But maybe that’s the reason,” Natsu whispered, gaze faraway as he tilted his head, as if considering something, “Talking’s never gotten anything through your thick skull. I need to _show_ you…”

 

Gray furrowed his brows in confusion, shifting nervously as Natsu pulled away. A flash of emotion flitted through his eyes, too swift and brief for Gray to catch it. There was a heavy tension settling on his shoulders, the fog of exhaustion clearing up as adrenaline pumped through Gray’s body. 

 

_What is he…_

 

Natsu gently took one of Gray’s hands, tanned, battle-scarred fingers intertwining with Gray’s slender digits. Slowly, never tearing his gaze away, Natsu lowered himself to one knee.

 

Gray’s blood froze, as if his ice magic had leaked into his veins, frosting over everything inside him until all he could feel was cold. A jagged lump of longing rose in his chest, but he frantically shoved it down, hands trembling as Natsu pressed a kiss to his knuckles.

 

_No, stop, I’m not worthy. I haven’t changed yet, I have to be better, you don’t want me like this-_

 

“You’re wrong, you know.”

 

Gray’s vision blurred, the scents from earlier crashing down on top of him like a wave, choking him until all he could smell was himself and Natsu and how perfectly they mixed together.

 

“All those thoughts in your head, I can practically see them. They’re wrong. They’re all _wrong_ ,” Natsu’s voice was laced with desperation, “Don’t listen to them. Listen to _me_. For once in your damn life listen to me…”

 

This couldn’t be real. He was going insane. All the hopes and wishes in his heart had finally made his mind snap and this was just a manifestation of his deepest desires.

 

“I love you. I’ve loved you before I even knew what love meant. I love your stupid smirk and your dumbass stripping habit and the way you try to act so high and mighty but really...you just want everyone to be happy.”

 

_Wake up, wake up, wake up. This isn’t the day, you haven’t changed yet…_

 

“God damn it, I fell in love with _you_ , idiot. Not that weird, creepy version of you that smiles too much and keeps his clothes on and acts like a ditzy schoolgirl,” Natsu pulled hard on Gray’s hand, yanking him to the floor. In a split second, he was nestled in Natsu’s lap, warm, strong arms locking around him, so he couldn’t run away. Not this time.

 

_What are you doing, you idiot! Get out of there before-_

 

Natsu buried his face in the crook of Gray’s neck, pressing his chest flush to the devilslayer’s back. And when Gray felt warm tears drip onto his skin, sliding over his shoulder before tracing salty tracks down his chest, his entire world came to a screeching stop.

 

_Now’s your chance, run awa-_

 

**_Shut the hell up._ **

 

Gray turned in Natsu’s embrace, straddling his hips, eyes rounded in distress as he softly brushed away the dragonslayer’s tears. Natsu pulled him in, and Gray would rather cut his arm off than resist, a bittersweet joy flickering in his heart as he relished in the heat of Natsu’s lips and the dampness of his face. He tasted like spices and smoke and peppers, all underlined with the salty tang of tears. Gray had never tasted anything so sweet.

 

“Marry me,” Natsu murmured, “Marry me before you let yourself change. I want to marry you just the way you are. I want to love you just like this. _Please_ , Gray...I don’t want to lose you to yourself.”

 

Gray’s heart expanded impossibly wide, making his chest feel tight and crushing his lungs so he couldn’t breathe. A chaotic storm of joy and relief and love surged through his entire being, every cell vibrating, every atom in his body yearning for something that he could finally reach.

 

Gray kissed him, crushing his lips to Natsu’s desperately, pressing against his sun-kissed skin, digging his fingers into pink hair tightly, as if someone would come by and try to wrench him away if he didn’t hang on hard enough.

 

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes…” Gray mumbled the words over and over against Natsu’s mouth, so the dragonslayer could feel every syllable, every breath. So he could know just how much Gray wanted this.

 

“Shut the hell up and marry me, Snowflake.”

 

Gray broke the kiss, laughing as Natsu swiftly slid the ring onto his finger, “Don’t be so impatient, Flame-”

 

Gray choked.

 

It was his ring.

 

 _His_ ring.

 

A sly smirk spread across Natsu’s face when he caught Gray’s expression, eyes dancing with satisfaction as the ice mage glared at him accusingly.

 

“You snooze, you lose, Popsicle.”

 

“Are you goddamn _serious?_ Do you know how expensive this was?” Gray fumed, stubbornly holding Natsu’s gaze as the fire mage leaned forward menacingly.

 

“Yeah...and it’s a shame it wasn’t used for over a _year_.” Gray wasn’t fooled by Natsu’s sickly sweet tone, he could practically taste the slight anger in his voice, sharp and spicy, causing Gray to back down a bit.

 

“‘M sorry…”

 

Natsu nuzzled his cheek affectionately, the anger gone as quickly as it had appeared. “Tch, it’s ok, Snowflake. But that means _you_ have to wear the dress at our wedding.”

 

 _“Wait what?!”_ Gray blushed an inhumanly shade of red, a shudder rolling down his spine at the dark glee in Natsu’s grin, _“But what would the others think? They’d laugh at me and-”_

 

“First of all, screw what anyone else thinks,” Natsu retorted, bringing his lips close to Gray’s ear, “And second, you bought a ring and didn’t propose for a whole _year_ , Ice Princess, you owe me.”

 

Gray bit his lip. _Damn, he has a point…_

 

“And besides,” Natsu smirked and Gray flushed as he felt teeth graze his skin lightly, “You would look _so_ good in white.”

  
  
  



	5. We Stay Hidden to Stay Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One day, she wouldn’t have to do this anymore. One day, she would be holding Mira’s hand instead of Jellal’s. For all the world to see.
> 
> This is for you, love...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gahhhhh ERZAJANE!!! I can't even express how pure this ship is, I feel CLEANSED OF ALL SIN! I really hope I did ok with this, so don't be afraid to tell me what you think and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy this ship <333

**Love is a game we deserve to play out loud...**

 

“It’s tiring, isn’t it?”

 

Erza didn’t answer as she straightened Jellal’s tie, running a quick hand through his hair to smooth his disheveled blue locks and sighing as it immediately stuck up again.

 

“Don’t you wish we could drop this charade?”

 

She didn’t spare him a glance as she dabbed at the corner of her eye, wiping off a stray smudge of mascara before stepping back to assess her appearance.

 

“Erza-”

 

 _“What do you want me to say, Jellal?”_ she snapped, leaning forward onto the vanity table, “You know the answer is ‘yes.’”

 

Erza could feel Jellal’s gaze on her as he brushed a lock of scarlet hair over her shoulder. But she didn’t look at him, focusing intently on a stray speck of glitter on her cheek as he sighed.

 

“I’m sorry, I just…” Erza turned as the blue-haired man shoved one of his hands into his pocket, staring down at his polished black shoes, “I just wish we didn’t have to hide anymore.”

 

Erza’s mocha brown eyes softened as she took his other hand, squeezing it lightly. “Just act natural. Smile for the camera, pretend that we’re in love, then get the hell out of there as fast as possible.”

 

Jellal let out a dry chuckle, lacing his long, spindly fingers with Erza’s, his hand dwarfing hers as she tugged him out of the room. Erza looked up at him, taking in his sad smile and the dull resignation in his eyes. And for the millionth time, she wished things were different.

 

She wished her damn mother would just them live their lives.

 

But that wasn’t possible. Because “Lady Scarlet” was a high-class businesswoman, feared across the land for her ruthlessness and cold, cunning personality. And Erza was the sole heir to her throne, the one to carry on her legacy and preserve her vast empire.

 

It wouldn’t do for Erza to fall in love.

 

But marriage alliances were always convenient. Erza’s lip curled in disgust. Her mother had practically sold her off to the highest bidder, not caring if they were twice her age, alcoholics and already had two other wives.

 

As long as they had money. As long as the union benefited _her_.

 

It made Erza sick to her stomach.

 

Jellal nudged her, brushing his thumb over her knuckles in comfort. Erza knew he could tell what she was thinking, knew it was evident in the way she glared holes into the wall, the way her high heels clicked even more sharply against the marble floors, the way her hand tightened around his in a death grip.

 

Erza let out a deep breath, relaxing her hold. She was so incredibly lucky to have been engaged to Jellal, the son of her mother’s wealthiest associate. He was everything she loved. Outwardly calm and collected, but Erza knew he barely held back the sharp fiery wit itching to roll off of his tongue. Kind and selfless to the point where it was like he was trying to atone for a sin, regularly buying expensive lunches and simply handing them off to homeless people on the street. Sophisticated and graceful in front of a crowd, expertly brushing off the media’s prying questions while keeping them engaged with slivers of an answer. But shy and awkward when alone, like all the poise melted off of him when it wasn’t needed.

 

If circumstances were different, Erza knew she could have learned to love him. But that would only be possible in a world without her lover. A world without Mirajane. And, as far as Erza was concerned, such a world was not worth living in.

 

Jellal didn’t know about Mira. At least, he didn’t know her lover _was_ Mira. The sunshiny secretary who welcomed people in at the front desk, smile always warm, dress always modest and elegant. And Erza didn’t know who his beloved was either. It was an arrangement that suited both of them. Erza didn’t meddle with his relationship and he didn’t meddle with hers. They were close enough to trust that the other knew what they were doing. And cared for each other in a way that allowed them to hide behind this false relationship.

 

Their “love” was only a cover, something used to please her mother and the paparazzi that insisted on getting weekly photos of the stunning new couple.

 

But Jellal knew the truth. He knew that when Erza held his hand, she was picturing Mira’s fingers, Mira’s touch. And that was fine with him because Erza knew for certain that he pictured holding his own boyfriend’s hand instead of hers.

 

“Oh good morning, you two!”

 

Erza blinked, coming to a halt in front of the grand, mahogany doors before turning around. Behind her, Gray and Lucy were staggering through the hallway, hundreds of files and papers stacked in their arms. 

 

Lucy grinned around the mountain of paperwork, “Another interview?”

 

“Yeah, third one this week,” Jellal huffed, pouting as he crossed his arms, “They won’t leave us alone. We have better things to do than answer their silly questions.”

 

Gray shot them a sympathetic look, rearranging the papers in his hands. Erza knew he could relate to them. Most people employed for Lady Scarlet could.

 

True love was a disgusting thing to her mother. Something that was supposed to be confined to social norms and trapped within age-old traditions. A feeling strictly limited to her own beliefs, only allowed between girls and boys. 

 

Anything else was a sin, warranting immediate termination. She could make it so they were never employed ever again, could wipe their faces off the history books, could guarantee that they end up on the streets, disappearing without a trace. Like they never even existed. So nearly every employee in this building had an unspoken agreement. Pairing up almost subconsciously so they could survive under Lady Scarlet’s cold supervision. Locking everything away in a place not even she could reach.

 

But Erza knew the truth.

 

Knew that when Gray whispered softly into Lucy’s ear, he wasn’t confessing his love. He was excusing himself to the bathroom so he could spend a few stolen moments with Natsu. Would come back with his collar rearranged to hide the purple bruises blossoming like flowers on his pale skin, wearing a pink blush for the rest of the day and stiffening slightly when Natsu winked at him from across the room.

 

Knew that when Freed took Evergreen out for lunch, he wasn’t taking her on a date. He was thanking her for covering for him and Laxus when Lady Scarlet found them together in the parking lot. Hair ruffled, lips kiss-swollen, bruises barely covered by their shirts, and Ever miraculously conjured up a valid excuse and the two men never made the same mistake again.

 

Knew that when Juvia muttered “love rival” as she glared at Gray and Lucy, heads tipped back with laughter, hands waving animatedly as they spoke, she wasn’t talking about Lucy. Her words were aimed at Gray. Teeth gritted as she fiddled with her dress, fear welling up inside her thinking that Lucy would realize one day that Juvia wasn’t worth the sneaking around, the constant looking over her shoulder.

 

It was a mess. All fake and forced and strained and painful. But so sickeningly necessary it made Erza’s heart twist. It was the only way. They were caught in a tangled web of lies and misery, wasting away precious hours under the sun so that at night, when they all went home, they could keep their love alive in the dark.

 

Taking a breath, Erza smoothed her skirt, plastering on a winning smile and pushing open the doors. She would say what they wanted to hear, praying that when Mira saw the interview on the news she could see the regret in her eyes. 

 

One day, she wouldn’t have to do this anymore. One day, she would be holding Mira’s hand instead of Jellal’s. For all the world to see.

 

_This is for you, love..._

 

✦ ✦ ✦

 

Erza sighed happily as she slipped the last bobby pin out of her hair, impossibly tight bun unraveling and melting into a waterfall of crimson locks. She ran her fingers through her hair a few times, massaging away the slight ache in her scalp before wiping off the layers of makeup lathered on her face.

 

_Thank god that’s over._

 

The interview had gone relatively well, her composure barely cracking in the face of the reporter’s nosy questions. It had taken a superhuman effort for Erza to keep smiling, keep pretending, keep fawning over Jellal like he was her everything. When he wasn’t. When all she wanted was to whack the reporter over the head with her microphone and scream into the camera that she didn’t belong to him. She belonged to Mira. 

 

Only Mira. 

 

Jellal had left around midnight. Had put on a baggy black hoodie, looked both ways across the hall and scurried out of the building as swiftly as he could. 

 

And Erza had watched him. Had watched from her window when he spotted another hooded figure in the parking lot. Had watched as all the stress, all the exhaustion, all the frustration weighing heavily on his shoulders had miraculously lifted. And she didn’t have to see his face to know he was smiling. Really smiling. Not the half-hearted smirks he gave interviewers, but a genuine, lopsided grin. 

 

She watched as he finally felt happy.

 

Erza smiled to herself, curling a strand of hair behind her ear before slipping her arms into a worn, black leather jacket. 

 

Making sure the coast was clear, Erza ducked her head, cursing the bright, painfully vibrant color of her hair. It was 2 AM and Lady Scarlet would still be working until the sun rose. If her mother found her, she would definitely question what her daughter was doing sneaking around so early in the morning. And Erza was too tired to lie anymore. So she was careful, holding her breath as she snuck around corridors, making her way to the back of the building. As soon as she stepped out of the door, she felt light as air, freedom trilling through her veins as she quickened her pace, trying to get away from the building as fast as humanly possible. It was an addicting feeling, making her eyes burn brighter and her skin glow softly. 

 

_This must be how Jellal felt._

 

Erza was practically floating when she caught sight of Mira. Leaning against her motorcycle wearing old, ripped black jeans and combat boots. Hair a ruffled mess of white curls with a shiny black helmet tucked under one arm. 

 

Erza’s heart fluttered when Mira flashed her a devilish grin, pushing off of the motorcycle and sidling up to her, blue eyes gleaming.

 

A shudder of anticipation ran through Erza as her girlfriend advanced. Mira looked so different from the stereotypical secretary she played around Lady Scarlet, something that had surprised Erza when she first discovered it. But now, she couldn’t see Mira in any other way. It was a side of her revealed to Erza alone. No one else. And she looked so _right_ like this.  A fascinating combination of light and dark, mixed together so thoroughly, Erza wasn’t sure if she found an angel in a demon or a demon in an angel. 

 

“That’s my jacket,” Mira raised an eyebrow, running her eyes up and down Erza’s body, “I was wondering where it went.”

 

“You left it in my room, so it’s mine now,” Erza smirked, pulling Mira closer by her belt loops, “Don’t expect it back any time soon.”

 

Mira smiled softly, a bit of her goody-two-shoes secretary side showing as she nuzzled into Erza’s hair, kissing her temple lightly, “Good thing you look beautiful in it, then.”

 

Erza blushed, ducking under her arm and practically bouncing over to the motorcycle, swinging her legs over the side as Mira started the engine. Erza’s arms went around her girlfriend’s waist, burrowing into the fluffy curls spilling out of her helmet, inhaling that warm scent of brownies and hot chocolate that was purely Mira. 

 

When Mira slammed her foot on the gas pedal, Erza left everything behind. The plastic smiles and the twisted lies and the sick feeling in her stomach were all left sitting at the foot of the building as they rocketed down the street. Erza tipped her head back, laughing out loud at the rush of wind running through her hair and the sting of the breeze against her skin, reveling in everything this was and everything it could be.

 

She could feel Mira smiling, could feel it in the way one of her hands left the handlebar to squeeze the hand on her hip, could feel it in the way she accelerated, engine roaring in triumph as Erza squealed, could feel it in the way she leaned back slightly, fitting perfectly in Erza’s embrace.

 

Erza sighed, pressing her forehead against Mira’s shoulder. Before passing, her father had once told her that there were only a few lucky people in the universe who were blessed with a lasting love. Something tempered with time and coated in understanding and sharpened with trust and devotion. And deep inside Erza’s heart, she knew this was it. Mira was her great love. Someone who would follow her to the ends of the Earth and pull her back if she stumbled over the edge.

 

As the crisp, rushing wind bit into her cheeks and turned her ears red, Erza caught the tang of salt, and she knew where Mira was taking her. To the pier where they first fell in love, watching the sunrise as the last of the stars blinked out in a pale lavender sky. 

 

They would be safe there. Free to laugh without the fear of being heard. Free to kiss as the waves lapped gently against the shore. Free to be in love as light spilled over the horizon in waves of gold. 

 

For a while, they could escape the lies they had to hide behind and the silent torture they had to endure every day. In front of the sunrise, Erza could scream it for the whole world to hear, could let her voice ripple over the ocean and reach beyond the sky.

 

For a few precious moments, they could do what they wanted to, what they _deserved_ to do. They could love out loud, and Lady Scarlet would never be able to hear them.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this whole pride month thing with a sunset, so ofc I had to end it with a sunrise. That's symbolism for all you English teachers out there. (Ok it's a little backwards but at least I tried)


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